I’ve got a song singing in my head
with music playing round and round
without a single thing that’s said
just some music.
without a sound.
It’s my silent melody of thought,
It’s mine and mine alone.
It can’t be sold.
It can’t be bought.
It’s the only thing I own.
In a shattered mirror
hung on a wallI
I saw my face
I saw them all.
Images cut
in so many ways.
All so different
yet all the same.
In this broken puzzle
I could see
I was a man
a father and a family
and I wasn’t sure
how this could be?
I hadn't changed
Was this still me?
IT'S PUSHING! IT'S PULLING!
IT'S BLOWING OUT STEAM!.
THE HORNS KEEP ON HONKING!
THE SMOKING BRAKES SCREAM!
AND IT'S RED LIGHT!
IT'S GREEN LIGHT!
IT'S LOST AND IT'S FOUND
IT'S ALL BLOWING UP!
AS IT'S ALL COMING DOWN!
IT'S ALL RAGING AND RACING!
BEING BARELY ALIVE!
IT'S SLOW TICKING TIME BOMBS!
AND LONG SUFFERING WIVES!
IT'S ALL THE FASTER!
THE FARTHER!
IT'S THE DON'T BOTHER ME!
IT'S THERE'S NO TIME
JUST THERE'S NO TIME
THERE'S JUST NO TIME
NO TIME AT ALL FOR ME!
Sometimes
I get so tired
and need to stop
Somewhere.
just some flow
on some random wave
into an eternity
and float
all alone
to some unknown
far away.
Up is down
and down is gone
but everything
goes on.
Whatever.
Black and white
are day and night
depending on time
and the weather.
But when it seems
that reality and dreams
are one in the same together
I see only shades of grays
that will color my days
cause it’s never any other.
My house it has so many rooms
full of pristine dreams
and the darkest dooms
with rooms to wander in wondering awe
in all the new things I see
in the old things I saw.
Each room can be a home alone.
a very fine place to stay.
with time enough to work and think
with time to rest and play.
But demons in each shadow lurk
blinded from my eyes
whispering clues about my maze
and telling subtle lies.
I'll never know just what I said
or if you heard anything at all.
I'll never really know for sure
why the memories turned out so small.
But now it's done and emptiness
was all that stayed around
the magic was just a rabbit in a hat.
come and then gone again
s if that all there was to that.
Once there was a woman.
Once there was a man.
Once there was a togetherness
as we tried to understand.
Once we found the reasons
to share our unity of mind
it held us through those seasons
and bound our souls with time.
But our lives flowed like a river
We would be what we could be
flowing past all the yesterdays
into tomorrows we could not see.
Once there was a woman.
Once there was a man.
once there was a special love
until there came an end.
As we drove to the Rose garden we shared a joint in the car. It was becoming dusk. I carried her to her wheelchair and we wandered off through the park. We traveled onto the forbidden grounds with signs saying KEEP OFF. We knew that no one would be stopping an obviously sick woman in a wheelchair.
As the drug took hold we became two silly wasted kids again. laughing, joking and just being there in our moment. I was goofing and talking some stoned nonsense to her and I looked into her eyes. And there, within that thin, sickened body, under those tired drooped eyelids, I saw that wonderful sparkle in the beautiful blue of her eyes that she always had when she enjoyed my stupid antics. I remembered us so well. I found who I truly loved again.
We didn’t really talk much after that. There was nothing really left to say. We just studied the delicate beauty of the roses, savored their delicate smells and enjoyed just being us again.
When we got home I settled her in and I kissed her good night. She held the kiss for a long time. We had shared our goodbye.
She died that night.
With death came the blame
little else would remain
Sadness replaced by displeasure.
Everyone knew
what you were supposed to do,
but I couldn’t put it all together.
My world was not right.
My days were dark nights.
I knew nothing whatsoever.
I just raged and I raged
Through the darkest of days
fighting pain that seemed forever.
In the lonely of the evening
a clock faithfully runs
in the silence of the emptiness
on the dark side of the sun.
Sounds of water dripping.
A distant barking dog.
A refrigerator humming.
quiet nothings all around.
In the lonely of the evening
In the sadness of my mind
I wish for sounds of meaning
to fill this empty time.
Sounds of children laughing
warmth that’s meant to share.
noises having feeling
words to hear you care.
In the lonely of the evening
a clock faithfully runs
and sounds of nothing
on the dark side of the sun.
Depression is the virus
that eats like an acid
on your lonely insides.
It takes all your actions
and makes them reactions
repeating mad memories
through your
TV screen eyes.
The hall was black
and the stage was lit
with a single light so vast
The audience hid
in the darkness of light
behind the eyes
of the cast.
And there were
dreams and things
and movie scenes
the room
it began to flow
but I didn't know
where I was going
or if there was
even a place to go.
Once there seemed a reason
for moving through life so fast.
Blending all the seasons.
Dismissing all the past.
Racing through all the changes
and free of all the fears.
So very fine
that taste of wine
beyond the salty tears.
I was daydreaming as I hiked down the trail that morning when I heard a sudden movement. Jumping back I quickly searched for a coiled rattlesnake. Caution is always important in the desert. Everything has a danger to be aware of. Shortly a large lizard, about 24 inches long, emerged from the bushes and stopped abruptly, looking menacingly at me and hissed a warning for me to watch out! I realized it was a Gila Monster.
They were seldom seen in the Sonoran desert. I had always imagined them in the usual gray lizard camouflage but he was as bright striped, bold, and arrogant as a black and bright yellow New York Taxi. Since they have so few predators , I guess he could afford to advertise.
I had heard they only attack if provoked. Then they would grab, bite and hold on tenaciously to their attacker until the slow acting poison in their saliva would eventually paralyze the victim. There were lots of stories of people bringing Gila Monsters into hospitals attached to their arms begging to have them removed.
We studied each other carefully and respectfully. Since I was in his desert home I stood still and nodded my respect. With a snort, he accepted it and turned and strolled across the trail into the high grass down at the wash on the other side of the trail. He knew his world full well. He had no questions or answers about anything. He was just heading in the direction he had decided to go. And so was I